Well, the eating became a major issue. He would start throwing food at me and breaking dishes across the room if I didn't eat "enough". I couldn't understand why at the time, but it it was effective. The pounds packed on and the bigger I got, the happier he seemed to be.
I just tried to make the most of the situation because I was still seeking help and still hitting brick walls down every avenue I tried.
The cable man was in the apt. complex one day and I ran into him while going back and forth to the laundry room. He stopped me and started chatting/hitting on me. That's the first time I'd felt good about myself in quite some time...and I made the mistake up walking back in the door "happy". He'd seen us talking and asked me what we were talking about. I gave him a brief synopsis of the conversation about a direct tv customer switching to cable and the specials they were running that we might be interested in. He seemed to be okay with things. In the next few days he was on me more than ever about not eating enough to the point where I was having to eat so much it was making me ill. I'd put on almost 30 pounds since this all began and tried to explain to him that I couldn't keep this up. That's when the "real" reason for this came to light.
He told me that I couldn't stop until NO OTHER MAN would dare look my way because I'd be so fat. Then and only then could I slow down.
???????
That' just blew me away!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 1, 2009
The Weight of Abuse
My weight has been a struggle for me all of my life. I'd describe myself as being a comfortable size when this all began. "Sturdy", yeah, that's a better description. I wasn't going to be sporting a bikini for Sports Illustrated, but I wasn't embarrassed to wear shorts either (as long as they weren't daisy dukes or "booty" shorts because I have NO ass, lol).
He began to fuss about me not eating enough for supper. Well, supper's always been kind of a no-no to me. My mom, who's also struggled with her weight her whole life, taught me at a very young age that making a "happy plate" for supper was over-rated and a recipe for gaining weight.
That aside, after working all day, dealing w/rush hour traffic, scooping up the kids, doing homework then cooking dinner - I wasn't all that hungry and if I was, I was too exhausted to do things like ... chew - that just seemed like more work so I skipped it usually. Supper for me usually consisted of a few "taste tests" while cooking and that was it. While they ate, I usually did things like washing the pots I'd used, or laundry, or clean up the house, bathing uninterrupted, etc.
He began to fuss about me not eating enough for supper. Well, supper's always been kind of a no-no to me. My mom, who's also struggled with her weight her whole life, taught me at a very young age that making a "happy plate" for supper was over-rated and a recipe for gaining weight.
That aside, after working all day, dealing w/rush hour traffic, scooping up the kids, doing homework then cooking dinner - I wasn't all that hungry and if I was, I was too exhausted to do things like ... chew - that just seemed like more work so I skipped it usually. Supper for me usually consisted of a few "taste tests" while cooking and that was it. While they ate, I usually did things like washing the pots I'd used, or laundry, or clean up the house, bathing uninterrupted, etc.
The "Real" Beginning
That day to me, was the official beginning of being an abused woman.
Are You Trapped in an Unhappy Marriage Because You Believe That You Can’t Afford to Leave?”
Though it wouldn't happen daily, or even weekly - it ALWAYS happened again. I think the record was 6 wks w/o him raising his hand to me.
When I got to work the next day, I had to figure out a way to call around for help w/o my co-workers knowing so I started chatting about how we never get to go to lunch together & how I thought it would be a good idea if we started because it wasn't any fun going out to lunch by myself day after day. The only time we got "company" from the office for lunch is if we wanted to go with one of our directors and ... well, they're our directors, ya know? lol. Tuesdays and Wednesdays were usually "slow" during lunch time and one secretary could handle it just fine so I proposed that we asked the "coolest" director, the director of our Prison Ministries dept., if she'd answer the phones for us that day so we could all go to lunch together. She agreed and off we went!
The hour passed quickly so when we got back to the office, I "volunteered" to watch the office the following day if the other 2 secretary's wanted to go together to lunch. I even let them know that if they wanted to take a little extra time "off the record", that I was fine with that as well.
Pretty slick, huh? I thought so :-)
I began by calling the Battered Woman's Shelter. What I found, was they're GREAT for getting a family out of an abusive situation and relocating them to a safe house. The problem was that I had no desire to uproot myself and my two daughters. I lived in a very nice rent controlled townhouse that I'd waited almost a year to get into, I had great neighbors, and quite honestly I wasn't about to give that up if I didn't have to. I filed them away in my mind as a "last resort" resource. I needed help to remove HIM from the home and that didn't fit into their specialty services. At the time, I don't know if they handled the restraining order referrals like they do now, but it wasn't mentioned in our phone call at that time.
I called Probation & Parole again. I once again was telling his parole officer of the events of the past week, and he interrupted me AGAIN letting me know that he couldn't discuss anything about him with me, only with a family member. I asked to speak to his supervisor. He transferred me to their voice mail. Grrr!
I called the District Attorney's office. I was told that for the price of $700, I could file a restraining order against him. SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS???? I told them I don't have, nor would I ever have that kind of money. They told me to call back when I did. Great! That was really helpful.
Off the subject..kinda.. a few years ago, the state had budget problems (surprise!!). During this time, they weren't paying their employees. As a matter of fact, they went almost a YEAR without a paycheck....I loved that year :-) I'm not saying that all state employees are bad people, or that their incapable of being an actual asset to the job, and I certainly didn't like knowing that the GOOD employees had to struggle financially through that year, etc. but I sure AM saying that for those that I dealt with who "withheld" information or services from me during this time - Ha-HA!
Are You Trapped in an Unhappy Marriage Because You Believe That You Can’t Afford to Leave?”
Are You Trapped in an Unhappy Marriage Because You Believe That You Can’t Afford to Leave?”
Though it wouldn't happen daily, or even weekly - it ALWAYS happened again. I think the record was 6 wks w/o him raising his hand to me.
When I got to work the next day, I had to figure out a way to call around for help w/o my co-workers knowing so I started chatting about how we never get to go to lunch together & how I thought it would be a good idea if we started because it wasn't any fun going out to lunch by myself day after day. The only time we got "company" from the office for lunch is if we wanted to go with one of our directors and ... well, they're our directors, ya know? lol. Tuesdays and Wednesdays were usually "slow" during lunch time and one secretary could handle it just fine so I proposed that we asked the "coolest" director, the director of our Prison Ministries dept., if she'd answer the phones for us that day so we could all go to lunch together. She agreed and off we went!
The hour passed quickly so when we got back to the office, I "volunteered" to watch the office the following day if the other 2 secretary's wanted to go together to lunch. I even let them know that if they wanted to take a little extra time "off the record", that I was fine with that as well.
Pretty slick, huh? I thought so :-)
I began by calling the Battered Woman's Shelter. What I found, was they're GREAT for getting a family out of an abusive situation and relocating them to a safe house. The problem was that I had no desire to uproot myself and my two daughters. I lived in a very nice rent controlled townhouse that I'd waited almost a year to get into, I had great neighbors, and quite honestly I wasn't about to give that up if I didn't have to. I filed them away in my mind as a "last resort" resource. I needed help to remove HIM from the home and that didn't fit into their specialty services. At the time, I don't know if they handled the restraining order referrals like they do now, but it wasn't mentioned in our phone call at that time.
I called Probation & Parole again. I once again was telling his parole officer of the events of the past week, and he interrupted me AGAIN letting me know that he couldn't discuss anything about him with me, only with a family member. I asked to speak to his supervisor. He transferred me to their voice mail. Grrr!
I called the District Attorney's office. I was told that for the price of $700, I could file a restraining order against him. SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS???? I told them I don't have, nor would I ever have that kind of money. They told me to call back when I did. Great! That was really helpful.
Off the subject..kinda.. a few years ago, the state had budget problems (surprise!!). During this time, they weren't paying their employees. As a matter of fact, they went almost a YEAR without a paycheck....I loved that year :-) I'm not saying that all state employees are bad people, or that their incapable of being an actual asset to the job, and I certainly didn't like knowing that the GOOD employees had to struggle financially through that year, etc. but I sure AM saying that for those that I dealt with who "withheld" information or services from me during this time - Ha-HA!
Are You Trapped in an Unhappy Marriage Because You Believe That You Can’t Afford to Leave?”
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