He was going stay the weekend at his mom's house. That buys me a little more time as well as gives me the opportunity to talk to her about what went on with him.
I get there to drop him off, say a quick hello & introduce her to her granddaughter who's now 11. We go inside so my daughter can meet her half sister and half brother who live w/his mom. The kids got involved in fishing in the pond behind the house w/their dad - GREAT! I have some alone time w/mom. Now, I don't know this woman from Adam but I figure the best way to be is straight up. Mrs. X, I just need to tell you that I won't be picking him up. I can't have him at my house. He was never actually "invited" to stay and it's just not healthy for me or the kids. She tells me, well he can't stay here, I don't have the room so ya'll will have to work something out.
Okay, I see I have to go a little deeper here. Mrs. X, I was raised Catholic, & I'm raising my kids in the Church - I've never lived with a man I wasn't married to. I don't believe in it and it sets a poor example for my kids as well so he can't stay with me.
Again she says we'll have to work something out because she has "no room"...did I mention that my apt would soooo fit inside her livingroom??
Time to take the plunge. Mrs. X, I say while pulling up my shirt revealing several bruises that are still pretty black though they're 2 weeks old because apparently the black eye didn't raise an eyebrow from her, your son did this to me and he is not welcome in my home or in my life. He's already back drinking and I don't want to chance him hurting the kids. I called his parole officer and he won't talk to me because I'm not "family" and I need to make sure he never does this again!! ... there, I said it!
She then begins to scream at me some very degrading things along with "how dare I say that her son did something like this to me - he'd NEVER!".
Ya know, this just isn't quite how I imagined the conversation would go.Apparently she prefers a life of denial about her "little angelic son".
I walk out of the house, call to my kids to hurry because we have to get back home,put them in the car as quick as I can and I'm outta there! My only comforting thought was "at least he doesn't have a key to my apartment"!
The weekend was less than relaxing because I didn't know if he was going to show up or if she would tell him of our conversation, but it sure was better than spending another day w/him! Sunday comes and goes and he doesn't show up...whew! I go to work thinking problem solved :-)
If only things were that easy! He's a smart man, I'll give him that. He knew that I wouldn't open the door for him if he came back while I was home, he got back to my house while I was at work. He apparently mastered the art of picking a lock during his many years in prison. If that don't just make a Monday a Monday, I don't know what does!
His mom had given him some money before she dropped him off so he walked to the store by the house and had gotten some vodka. He was sloppy drunk when I came home & waiting in the living room for me. He was pissed! Apparently his mom HAD told him of our conversation and he wasn't pleased or impressed in the least by my honesty with her. It was on.
He started yelling before I was good and in the door. The kids were right behind me. I tried to reason with him reminding him that the kids are right here, we just got in and they're hungry. I needed to cook dinner and get them settled in before we talked. He was all "Fk the kids!"
I sent them upstairs, told them to put in a movie and turn it up loud, lock the door & don't answer it for anyone but me because this was about to get real ugly real quick.
I didn't yell at my kids & they weren't allowed to have screaming matches w/each other so this was all VERY new and scary to them. I can't imagine the fear they must have had.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
He's Back! Positively GAC - 800 pound Jesus
I'm watching GAC's Positively GAC. For those who don't know what that is, it's the Great American Country channel and during this time, the videos they play all have positive messages.
The song 800 pound Jesus caught my attention. I'd never seen the video & thought it was quite fitting for this blog so I'd like to share it with you.
That last scene caught me off guard and the tears came flowing down from out of nowhere.
I can relate to that mom all too well. Her daughter comes home, mom's sitting alone freshly bruised. Her daughter reaches her hand out to her, mom takes her hand while jerking back slightly before she makes contact. Out of the whole video, that's the part that caught my attention the most. It's something that I think that most people watching it wouldn't even notice & those who do notice would probably think that it's because her daughter's touch would hurt a fresh bruise.
What I see is a mother trying to "protect" her daughter. Kind of like "Don't Look and it Won't Hurt". For her daughter to touch it, makes it real. Not only to the mother, but to the daughter as well. Abuse hurts the whole family, not just the person who's being abused.
The song 800 pound Jesus caught my attention. I'd never seen the video & thought it was quite fitting for this blog so I'd like to share it with you.
That last scene caught me off guard and the tears came flowing down from out of nowhere.
I can relate to that mom all too well. Her daughter comes home, mom's sitting alone freshly bruised. Her daughter reaches her hand out to her, mom takes her hand while jerking back slightly before she makes contact. Out of the whole video, that's the part that caught my attention the most. It's something that I think that most people watching it wouldn't even notice & those who do notice would probably think that it's because her daughter's touch would hurt a fresh bruise.
What I see is a mother trying to "protect" her daughter. Kind of like "Don't Look and it Won't Hurt". For her daughter to touch it, makes it real. Not only to the mother, but to the daughter as well. Abuse hurts the whole family, not just the person who's being abused.
He's Back! The Weight of Being the Secretary of Social Responsibility & Abused
Are You Trapped in an Unhappy Marriage Because You Believe That You Can’t Afford to Leave?”
I think what bothered me most...why I wasn't running into the streets w/a megaphone hollering "XYZ" is abusing me, help" was my job. Secretary of Social Responsibility. Think about that for a moment. That was a "heavy" title to bear for me already. This seemed to magnify both the title, and the weight of it. Abused women came to US...then again, so did prisoners who'd done time for every crime you could think of (there were 7 departments under social responsibility) including abuse. I just put that together while writing this.
ANYWAY, it then occurred to me that I have a plethora of resources for abused women at my fingertips. A rolodex of help right in front of me - literally! The unfortunate thing was that I sat in a secretarial pool. There were 3 of us in the same office. No privacy. All of these places want your name, address and phone number. I couldn't even pretend I was calling on a client's behalf because I wouldn't have been able to leave my information without the other secretaries learning of my situation.
It was almost 2 weeks later, and he hadn't raised his hand to me again since that night he was drinking so I didn't view my situation as being urgent anymore. I decided to take a few days to think about how to do this. I mean, in my mind, I wasn't an "abused woman" per say. I was a woman who he had abused on ONE occasion...and he'd been drinking that night...and he was very apologetic afterwards & appearing to be honestly regretting hurting me...and I got rid of the alcohol...and he of course promised the he wouldn't drink anymore...and swore on his grandmother's life that he'd never raise a hand to me again. Sound familiar?
I think what bothered me most...why I wasn't running into the streets w/a megaphone hollering "XYZ" is abusing me, help" was my job. Secretary of Social Responsibility. Think about that for a moment. That was a "heavy" title to bear for me already. This seemed to magnify both the title, and the weight of it. Abused women came to US...then again, so did prisoners who'd done time for every crime you could think of (there were 7 departments under social responsibility) including abuse. I just put that together while writing this.
ANYWAY, it then occurred to me that I have a plethora of resources for abused women at my fingertips. A rolodex of help right in front of me - literally! The unfortunate thing was that I sat in a secretarial pool. There were 3 of us in the same office. No privacy. All of these places want your name, address and phone number. I couldn't even pretend I was calling on a client's behalf because I wouldn't have been able to leave my information without the other secretaries learning of my situation.
It was almost 2 weeks later, and he hadn't raised his hand to me again since that night he was drinking so I didn't view my situation as being urgent anymore. I decided to take a few days to think about how to do this. I mean, in my mind, I wasn't an "abused woman" per say. I was a woman who he had abused on ONE occasion...and he'd been drinking that night...and he was very apologetic afterwards & appearing to be honestly regretting hurting me...and I got rid of the alcohol...and he of course promised the he wouldn't drink anymore...and swore on his grandmother's life that he'd never raise a hand to me again. Sound familiar?
Saturday, July 18, 2009
He's Back! Abuse is NOT your fault!
Are You Trapped in an Unhappy Marriage Because You Believe That You Can’t Afford to Leave?”
Needless to say, it was a L-O-N-G weekend for me. Being how he was out on parole, my next step was to contact his parole officer first thing Monday morning. Nieve as I was, I thought that was going to be an "easy solution". I'll be out of this situation in no time, right?... WRONG!
Monday morning comes and I call down at probation and parole. Eventually, I get his parole officer's name and extention and have to leave a message. My message? "Hello, this is xxx xxxx. I'm calling in reference to yyy yyyy and I understand you're his parole officer. yyy yyyy beat the hell out of me this weekend and where I did call the sheriff's office to have him removed from my home, he apparently managed to get his name on my lease w/o my knowledge or permission & they refused to make him leave and they didn't want to take him with them either, so I was wondering what YOU can do about him. I have 2 children in the home, he won't leave and I'm in fear for our safety. Please call me at (work number) at your earliest convenience. Thank you". I called several more times that day hoping that I would get a live person, but no luck and no call back. For the next few days at work, I basically got paid for calling probation and parole.
Then.. it happened.. I called and got a real live human being! I introduced myself and tried to explain the situation. He interrupts and asks me "mam, how are you related to Mr. yyy yyyy?". I said " well, I'm the mother of his first born, does that count for anything?". He says "I'm sorry, but I can only discuss his case with family members". I try to explain that I don't want to know anything about "his case", I just want to know how to get him out of my house and away from me & my children. He tells me he doesn't have his file yet since he's a new parolee, so he'll look into it as soon as he can & hangs up!
His audacity left me dumbstruck!
It was time to confide in someone. For some reason though, the last thing an abused woman (or man) wants to do is tell someone. I don't know why. I knew that it wasn't my "fault", and if you're being abused by someone - that's a VERY important thing to know. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!
Needless to say, it was a L-O-N-G weekend for me. Being how he was out on parole, my next step was to contact his parole officer first thing Monday morning. Nieve as I was, I thought that was going to be an "easy solution". I'll be out of this situation in no time, right?... WRONG!
Monday morning comes and I call down at probation and parole. Eventually, I get his parole officer's name and extention and have to leave a message. My message? "Hello, this is xxx xxxx. I'm calling in reference to yyy yyyy and I understand you're his parole officer. yyy yyyy beat the hell out of me this weekend and where I did call the sheriff's office to have him removed from my home, he apparently managed to get his name on my lease w/o my knowledge or permission & they refused to make him leave and they didn't want to take him with them either, so I was wondering what YOU can do about him. I have 2 children in the home, he won't leave and I'm in fear for our safety. Please call me at (work number) at your earliest convenience. Thank you". I called several more times that day hoping that I would get a live person, but no luck and no call back. For the next few days at work, I basically got paid for calling probation and parole.
Then.. it happened.. I called and got a real live human being! I introduced myself and tried to explain the situation. He interrupts and asks me "mam, how are you related to Mr. yyy yyyy?". I said " well, I'm the mother of his first born, does that count for anything?". He says "I'm sorry, but I can only discuss his case with family members". I try to explain that I don't want to know anything about "his case", I just want to know how to get him out of my house and away from me & my children. He tells me he doesn't have his file yet since he's a new parolee, so he'll look into it as soon as he can & hangs up!
His audacity left me dumbstruck!
It was time to confide in someone. For some reason though, the last thing an abused woman (or man) wants to do is tell someone. I don't know why. I knew that it wasn't my "fault", and if you're being abused by someone - that's a VERY important thing to know. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
He's Back! Abuse & Alcohol - A Little of Both
Are You Trapped in an Unhappy Marriage Because You Believe That You Can’t Afford to Leave?”
One of my 3 jobs at the time was bartending. I've never been a drinker, but I did keep a well stocked bar at my house for entertaining and "practicing" bar tricks. I've never had any use for a drinking man though so my next trick was a disappearing act. I poured every last bottle down the drain and have never bought a fifth of liquor since.
Now mind you, I don't think that every man who takes a drink is going to be abusive, nor do I have anything against having a few drinks every now and then. I simply said that I have no use for a "drinking man". I've never wanted a man that (for whatever reason) stopped off at the bar on the way home, or who's routine included having a drink at the end of the day much less one who over-indulges on a regular basis where-ever, whenever, & for whatever reason. What I consider a "social drinker" may vary from the rest of the world. I have no problems with going out every now and then and having a few drinks, nor do I have problems w/the friday night poker games drinking or monday night football drinks, etc. In my eyes, there's a world of difference between someone who drinks, and a drinker - the latter, I just have no use for in my life.
One of my 3 jobs at the time was bartending. I've never been a drinker, but I did keep a well stocked bar at my house for entertaining and "practicing" bar tricks. I've never had any use for a drinking man though so my next trick was a disappearing act. I poured every last bottle down the drain and have never bought a fifth of liquor since.
Now mind you, I don't think that every man who takes a drink is going to be abusive, nor do I have anything against having a few drinks every now and then. I simply said that I have no use for a "drinking man". I've never wanted a man that (for whatever reason) stopped off at the bar on the way home, or who's routine included having a drink at the end of the day much less one who over-indulges on a regular basis where-ever, whenever, & for whatever reason. What I consider a "social drinker" may vary from the rest of the world. I have no problems with going out every now and then and having a few drinks, nor do I have problems w/the friday night poker games drinking or monday night football drinks, etc. In my eyes, there's a world of difference between someone who drinks, and a drinker - the latter, I just have no use for in my life.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
He's Back! Listening to Mom's Advice
Are You Trapped in an Unhappy Marriage Because You Believe That You Can’t Afford to Leave?”
I was working at a non-profit social services agency at the time as the Secretary of Social Responsibility. That title still rings in my head for many reasons, but those are for my other blog :-)
One of my departments happened to be Prison Ministries. Go figure! Now, my mother, bless her heart...she gives great advice and maybe one day I'll be smart enough to take it! In the 8 years I worked there, I can't begin to count the number of times she said "Don't take your work home w/you" (referring to the prison ministries dept of course!) If only I'd have listened...famous last words!
Well, it just so happened that he got released from prison & wanted to meet our daughter for the first time.
Off the subject for a moment here.. Can I tell ya? If ever I have another child, under NO circumstances will I allow their father to ever meet them. I'm gonna go to my grave swearing it was either a virginal conception, just as Mary had with Jesus or I went to the "sperm bank and trust" and played "eany meany miney moe". Now I'm NOT saying that there aren't some quality men out there who aren't quality dads. I happen to have a GREAT daddy, wouldn't trade him for the world. My brothers/brothers-in-law are great daddys. I'm just saying that Personally, I CAN'T PICK EM and with the possibility of third child pending - it's in my/their best interest given my track record with the first 2.
Needless to say, I DID bring my work home with me. By the third day, he'd taken over our lives. I still don't know quite how that all happened so quickly, but it did. He was a con man on the top of his game. He'd even gotten the landlord to add him to my lease without my knowledge or permission! I found that out when on day 3 he beat the living hell out of me and I called the cops to remove him. Because it was "his residence" they couldn't. WOW! This was the start of me hating surprises. Calling the police out only pissed him off as he'd just done a nickel and was out on parole. The deputy's advice was to let him sleep it off since apparently he'd found my liquor cabinet while I was at work. I of course asked "can he sleep it off somewhere else??", but because he had a copy of MY lease and his name was on it, that wasn't happening unless he voluntarily left.
I was working at a non-profit social services agency at the time as the Secretary of Social Responsibility. That title still rings in my head for many reasons, but those are for my other blog :-)
One of my departments happened to be Prison Ministries. Go figure! Now, my mother, bless her heart...she gives great advice and maybe one day I'll be smart enough to take it! In the 8 years I worked there, I can't begin to count the number of times she said "Don't take your work home w/you" (referring to the prison ministries dept of course!) If only I'd have listened...famous last words!
Well, it just so happened that he got released from prison & wanted to meet our daughter for the first time.
Off the subject for a moment here.. Can I tell ya? If ever I have another child, under NO circumstances will I allow their father to ever meet them. I'm gonna go to my grave swearing it was either a virginal conception, just as Mary had with Jesus or I went to the "sperm bank and trust" and played "eany meany miney moe". Now I'm NOT saying that there aren't some quality men out there who aren't quality dads. I happen to have a GREAT daddy, wouldn't trade him for the world. My brothers/brothers-in-law are great daddys. I'm just saying that Personally, I CAN'T PICK EM and with the possibility of third child pending - it's in my/their best interest given my track record with the first 2.
Needless to say, I DID bring my work home with me. By the third day, he'd taken over our lives. I still don't know quite how that all happened so quickly, but it did. He was a con man on the top of his game. He'd even gotten the landlord to add him to my lease without my knowledge or permission! I found that out when on day 3 he beat the living hell out of me and I called the cops to remove him. Because it was "his residence" they couldn't. WOW! This was the start of me hating surprises. Calling the police out only pissed him off as he'd just done a nickel and was out on parole. The deputy's advice was to let him sleep it off since apparently he'd found my liquor cabinet while I was at work. I of course asked "can he sleep it off somewhere else??", but because he had a copy of MY lease and his name was on it, that wasn't happening unless he voluntarily left.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
He's Back! The Nightmare Begins
Are You Trapped in an Unhappy Marriage Because You Believe That You Can’t Afford to Leave?”
Eleven years had passed since I'd heard from my first daughter's father. I'd graduated high school, moved to a different city, gotten married & divorced and had another child by that time. I was working 3 jobs, lived in a nice townhouse and was out on my first date in 3 years when he called.
My neighbor was babysitting my kids, but my oldest had come back to the house for a minute to get a movie they could watch next door. Timing is EVERYTHING! The phone rang, so she answered it thinking it was my friend asking her to grab something else while she was there for her little sister.
Now, we never really talked about her father in great detail. All she really knew was his name, that he was in and out of jail a lot, and that he was probably staying away from us for her own good considering his "track record" with the law.
A recording comes on the line "You have a collect call from xxxx , from the Department of Corrections DeQuincy prison facility". ... I cannot imagine what went thru her mind or how shocked/scared she was at that moment. She slammed the phone down, ran next door and after several minutes was finally able to calm down enough to tell my friend what happened.
Ya know, in thinking back to it just now, I never got a straight answer on how he got my phone number. It was unlisted, AND I had a new last name, AND he'd been in jail for all but 2 1/2 years out of the past 11!
That's all I have time to write right now, but stay tuned..it's one hell of a story!
Eleven years had passed since I'd heard from my first daughter's father. I'd graduated high school, moved to a different city, gotten married & divorced and had another child by that time. I was working 3 jobs, lived in a nice townhouse and was out on my first date in 3 years when he called.
My neighbor was babysitting my kids, but my oldest had come back to the house for a minute to get a movie they could watch next door. Timing is EVERYTHING! The phone rang, so she answered it thinking it was my friend asking her to grab something else while she was there for her little sister.
Now, we never really talked about her father in great detail. All she really knew was his name, that he was in and out of jail a lot, and that he was probably staying away from us for her own good considering his "track record" with the law.
A recording comes on the line "You have a collect call from xxxx , from the Department of Corrections DeQuincy prison facility". ... I cannot imagine what went thru her mind or how shocked/scared she was at that moment. She slammed the phone down, ran next door and after several minutes was finally able to calm down enough to tell my friend what happened.
Ya know, in thinking back to it just now, I never got a straight answer on how he got my phone number. It was unlisted, AND I had a new last name, AND he'd been in jail for all but 2 1/2 years out of the past 11!
That's all I have time to write right now, but stay tuned..it's one hell of a story!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Can't Afford to Leave Your Spouse? Tips On How To Change That!
Are You Trapped in an Unhappy Marriage Because You Believe That You Can’t Afford to Leave?”
That's what I thought too. I'm a 39 yr old disabled housewife. I have no money of my own, no assets of my own - he controlled it all. For the little bit of money I did get, I had to turn in receipts that account for every penny.....so you're thinking, how can you save any money to be able to leave with that kind of control he has on you, right? Well, with a little creativity, YOU CAN!
The easiest way, and believe it or not, it can add up QUICK is coupon clipping. The internet was a great resource for cents off coupons, rebates, and freebies. My rebates all went to my friend's address. It helps to have a friend that you can count on :-) She opened a special savings account for me as well in her child's name so that "my" money wouldn't show up in any research his private detectives did.
Did you know that AFTER you check out at the grocery store, you can bring your receipt to customer service - tell them you forgot to use your coupons, and they will refund you the amount on the coupons in cash????? ..and double coupon days if you can find them are a GOLD MINE for this!...so when he checks that receipt, you're in the clear and the money is YOURS!
Another way I was able to save a few extra dollars was to buy some items each trip for a friend of mine. She was able to save a trip to the store, and re-payed me cash for them. I bought a LOT of groceries & "feminine products" in those days :-) Those are the 2 things husbands, even the "strictest" most controlling ones don't question!
That is only a few of the ways I was able to "afford" to leave my husband. Periodically, I'll be sharing these type of tips in my blog (so check back frequently) with the hope of being able to help someone else out of this situation.
Are You Trapped in an Unhappy Marriage Because You Believe That You Can’t Afford to Leave?”
That's what I thought too. I'm a 39 yr old disabled housewife. I have no money of my own, no assets of my own - he controlled it all. For the little bit of money I did get, I had to turn in receipts that account for every penny.....so you're thinking, how can you save any money to be able to leave with that kind of control he has on you, right? Well, with a little creativity, YOU CAN!
The easiest way, and believe it or not, it can add up QUICK is coupon clipping. The internet was a great resource for cents off coupons, rebates, and freebies. My rebates all went to my friend's address. It helps to have a friend that you can count on :-) She opened a special savings account for me as well in her child's name so that "my" money wouldn't show up in any research his private detectives did.
Did you know that AFTER you check out at the grocery store, you can bring your receipt to customer service - tell them you forgot to use your coupons, and they will refund you the amount on the coupons in cash????? ..and double coupon days if you can find them are a GOLD MINE for this!...so when he checks that receipt, you're in the clear and the money is YOURS!
Another way I was able to save a few extra dollars was to buy some items each trip for a friend of mine. She was able to save a trip to the store, and re-payed me cash for them. I bought a LOT of groceries & "feminine products" in those days :-) Those are the 2 things husbands, even the "strictest" most controlling ones don't question!
That is only a few of the ways I was able to "afford" to leave my husband. Periodically, I'll be sharing these type of tips in my blog (so check back frequently) with the hope of being able to help someone else out of this situation.
Are You Trapped in an Unhappy Marriage Because You Believe That You Can’t Afford to Leave?”
Broken, Yet Blessed
My boyfriend and I broke up just before he went into the Army. We parted as friends and he wrote me constantly telling me how much he still loved me and that one day, it would all work out and we'd be together. He was a nice guy that had never given me any reason to fear him. With him going into the Army and me being 16 - a minor, (he'd just turned 18), our relationship wasn't allowed by "Uncle Sam". I traveled to Fort Dix with his family for his graduation from boot camp because he was leaving the base in a few days for AIT. He asked if I was dating anyone yet and I told him no, that I was concentrating on my studies,work, & raising my daughter for now. I could tell Basic Training changed him. There was a darkness about him I'd never seen - it gave me chills to look into his eyes. I could see pain, rage, anger and resentment...he told me that basic brought back memories of abuse he'd suffered growing up with his dad, but that it was "nothing". He was still the same person I knew and that he was going to be fine. He gave me a hug and told me he'd write when he was settled in at his new base. We loaded up the car, and headed back to Louisiana.
His mom called me a few days later and asked me if I'd heard from him. I hadn't. She then said he's AWOL. He never made it to his new base and nobody could track him down. I was on my way to stay the weekend at my brother's house so I told her that if I heard anything from him, I'd make sure that he called her to tell her he was safe and sound.
I went to hang out with my friends and ended up watching movies all night w/the gang in Zachary getting back to my brother's house around 6am. I didn't know he'd called my house after I left, and that he'd also called my brother's house around 11pm while I was out. My sister-in-law let him know I was w/"the gang" (my regular routine) and that I'd be home by morning and that she was babysitting my daughter. This was before the days of Caller Id and Cellphones/Pagers.
I walked up to the back door and strangely it was locked. Just as I turned to walk to her window to knock on it and wake her up to let me in, the door flew open! There he was and if looks could kill, I'd have been dead on the spot. (i'm getting chills just thinking about it - that's a look I'll NEVER forget). He "sternly" said while walking towards me "Where the hell have you been???" I tried to remain calm as I could see he was not "himself" and told him I was w/my friends watching movies all night like we always do on Fridays, no big deal. He said he'd been waiting there for hours for me to get back. I told him I had no clue he was coming home and that if he'd told me, I'd have stayed in and waited for him. I then asked how he got there (denham springs) ---- he told me he walked from the airport (in baton rouge) so he could "surprise" me. I told him, "well, it worked! How about we go inside and talk about this?...speaking of which - How did you get inside?". He told me he broke into my nieces window. I took a step towards him (he was in the doorway) and he told me "Don't walk away from me, NOBODY walks away from me!". I tried to explain to him that I was walking TOWARDS him so we could go talk inside and I could put my stuff down. He placed his hands on my shoulders and pushed me back. I stumbled a bit. When I regained my composure he knocked my coke out of my hand, then ripped my purse strap off my arm and the nightmare began. He kept pushing and hitting me telling me over and over again that he was going to kill me because nobody walks away from him. I was screaming for help in between begging for him to stop, but everyone was sleeping inside so nobody could hear me. Every time I tried to run, he grabbed me, slamming me back down to the ground and wrapping his hands around my throat, I'd get loose and he'd do it again. I don't know how long this went on, but it felt like an eternity. The last time I got up and he grabbed me, I heard a sound like a branch slowly snapping off a tree trunk. I fell and realized that sound was my knee and I couldn't get up anymore. My body went limp as he straddled me. I figured I was dead anyway, so I looked him in the eye --I could see that "he" wasn't in there.. his eyes were dark, like black holes , i could see right thru them. Those beautiful blue eyes were replaced with a dark soul, like staring down Satan himself. I told him "Kill me now and get it over with, I can't take it any more, you win. I am a child of God and HE protects me, let His will be done". Now, I wasn't a "religious" person, but my mom always told me to say that phrase if I was ever attacked....
And by the Grace of God, I witnessed a miracle. I was still looking into his eyes and suddenly, they changed back into the deep blue oceans I was accustomed to seeing. Everything about him changed, he had no clue what I was doing on the ground, nor what he was doing on top of me. He got up and ran into the woods, never looking back leaving me broken, but blessed.
I know my brother found me when he came in from working the night shift, and that my mom came and took me to the hospital. From the time "he" left me there, until the time that an officer came to the hospital to take a report though, I have no actual memory of.
I can remember the "ordeal" as though it was yesterday. It changed my life forever in many ways. His life too I'm sure. I didn't press charges because I honestly believe that he's not an "abusive" person. I believe he snapped, and I believe that if he'd had gotten the counseling he needed after the abuse from his father, that none of this would have ever happened. Therefore, instead of doing time in Livingston Parish Prison, I gave him a chance. In exchange for not going to prison, he had to check himself into a mental health facility and get the help he needed.
...and no, we never dated/talked/etc after his treatment. Though I felt that I knew he wasn't by nature a violent man, it wasn't a chance I was going to take!
I'm happy to say today, that he's a productive member of society, married with children, & never raised his hand to another person after that incident.
Are You Trapped in an Unhappy Marriage Because You Believe That You Can’t Afford to Leave?”
His mom called me a few days later and asked me if I'd heard from him. I hadn't. She then said he's AWOL. He never made it to his new base and nobody could track him down. I was on my way to stay the weekend at my brother's house so I told her that if I heard anything from him, I'd make sure that he called her to tell her he was safe and sound.
I went to hang out with my friends and ended up watching movies all night w/the gang in Zachary getting back to my brother's house around 6am. I didn't know he'd called my house after I left, and that he'd also called my brother's house around 11pm while I was out. My sister-in-law let him know I was w/"the gang" (my regular routine) and that I'd be home by morning and that she was babysitting my daughter. This was before the days of Caller Id and Cellphones/Pagers.
I walked up to the back door and strangely it was locked. Just as I turned to walk to her window to knock on it and wake her up to let me in, the door flew open! There he was and if looks could kill, I'd have been dead on the spot. (i'm getting chills just thinking about it - that's a look I'll NEVER forget). He "sternly" said while walking towards me "Where the hell have you been???" I tried to remain calm as I could see he was not "himself" and told him I was w/my friends watching movies all night like we always do on Fridays, no big deal. He said he'd been waiting there for hours for me to get back. I told him I had no clue he was coming home and that if he'd told me, I'd have stayed in and waited for him. I then asked how he got there (denham springs) ---- he told me he walked from the airport (in baton rouge) so he could "surprise" me. I told him, "well, it worked! How about we go inside and talk about this?...speaking of which - How did you get inside?". He told me he broke into my nieces window. I took a step towards him (he was in the doorway) and he told me "Don't walk away from me, NOBODY walks away from me!". I tried to explain to him that I was walking TOWARDS him so we could go talk inside and I could put my stuff down. He placed his hands on my shoulders and pushed me back. I stumbled a bit. When I regained my composure he knocked my coke out of my hand, then ripped my purse strap off my arm and the nightmare began. He kept pushing and hitting me telling me over and over again that he was going to kill me because nobody walks away from him. I was screaming for help in between begging for him to stop, but everyone was sleeping inside so nobody could hear me. Every time I tried to run, he grabbed me, slamming me back down to the ground and wrapping his hands around my throat, I'd get loose and he'd do it again. I don't know how long this went on, but it felt like an eternity. The last time I got up and he grabbed me, I heard a sound like a branch slowly snapping off a tree trunk. I fell and realized that sound was my knee and I couldn't get up anymore. My body went limp as he straddled me. I figured I was dead anyway, so I looked him in the eye --I could see that "he" wasn't in there.. his eyes were dark, like black holes , i could see right thru them. Those beautiful blue eyes were replaced with a dark soul, like staring down Satan himself. I told him "Kill me now and get it over with, I can't take it any more, you win. I am a child of God and HE protects me, let His will be done". Now, I wasn't a "religious" person, but my mom always told me to say that phrase if I was ever attacked....
And by the Grace of God, I witnessed a miracle. I was still looking into his eyes and suddenly, they changed back into the deep blue oceans I was accustomed to seeing. Everything about him changed, he had no clue what I was doing on the ground, nor what he was doing on top of me. He got up and ran into the woods, never looking back leaving me broken, but blessed.
I know my brother found me when he came in from working the night shift, and that my mom came and took me to the hospital. From the time "he" left me there, until the time that an officer came to the hospital to take a report though, I have no actual memory of.
I can remember the "ordeal" as though it was yesterday. It changed my life forever in many ways. His life too I'm sure. I didn't press charges because I honestly believe that he's not an "abusive" person. I believe he snapped, and I believe that if he'd had gotten the counseling he needed after the abuse from his father, that none of this would have ever happened. Therefore, instead of doing time in Livingston Parish Prison, I gave him a chance. In exchange for not going to prison, he had to check himself into a mental health facility and get the help he needed.
...and no, we never dated/talked/etc after his treatment. Though I felt that I knew he wasn't by nature a violent man, it wasn't a chance I was going to take!
I'm happy to say today, that he's a productive member of society, married with children, & never raised his hand to another person after that incident.
Are You Trapped in an Unhappy Marriage Because You Believe That You Can’t Afford to Leave?”
Getting OUT of an Abusive Relationship
You CAN get out. You just need to know HOW. Everyone's situation is different and therefore no one page here (or anywhere else) is going to give you all of your solutions, but I'll do my best to help anyone however I can in this situation by telling my own stories (yes, that's plural!). If you don't want to leave a public comment, you're welcome to email me at AllSuzyQ@gmail.com. I do NOT have any fancy letters after my name or any degrees hanging on the wall - I only have my own personal experiences in abusive relationships, my friends experiences, & the blessing of having worked for a GREAT social service agency that provided me with a ton of resources and I feel that makes me qualified to write on this topic. No book or classroom could ever teach me what I've learned over the past 20 years, and no psychologist, psychiatrist, or other medical professional gave me "realistic advice" to help me to get away from these men.
First, lets cover what "abuse" is.
Physical abuse is what you hear the most about .... he/she struck you on purpose about sums it up. Whether it's with an open hand, a closed fist, an object they threw at you, a "push", a "strong arm", etc. it falls under this category. It's abuse you can "see". Their action caused you harm.
But wait! There's MORE!
Emotional Abuse - that's one you don't hear a whole lot about, but in my opinion it's the most common type, the most "overlooked", & the WORST! They find a way into your head and take away your self confidence, self respect and self worth....they do this by degrading you, name calling, humiliation, etc.
Sexual Abuse in relationships are also "under-rated" in my opinion. Sexual abuse CAN/DOES happen in marriages/relationships. Sexual abuse is when you feel you are being "forced" to perform sexual acts to someone that you don't want to.
Financial Abuse - Your Partner Controls It ALL. Whether you work or not, they control all assets.
Tomorrow, I'll start my stories - Thank you so much for visiting my site! I hope that thru this blog, I can help someone :-)
Are You Trapped in an Unhappy Marriage Because You Believe That You Can’t Afford to Leave?”
First, lets cover what "abuse" is.
Physical abuse is what you hear the most about .... he/she struck you on purpose about sums it up. Whether it's with an open hand, a closed fist, an object they threw at you, a "push", a "strong arm", etc. it falls under this category. It's abuse you can "see". Their action caused you harm.
But wait! There's MORE!
Emotional Abuse - that's one you don't hear a whole lot about, but in my opinion it's the most common type, the most "overlooked", & the WORST! They find a way into your head and take away your self confidence, self respect and self worth....they do this by degrading you, name calling, humiliation, etc.
Sexual Abuse in relationships are also "under-rated" in my opinion. Sexual abuse CAN/DOES happen in marriages/relationships. Sexual abuse is when you feel you are being "forced" to perform sexual acts to someone that you don't want to.
Financial Abuse - Your Partner Controls It ALL. Whether you work or not, they control all assets.
Tomorrow, I'll start my stories - Thank you so much for visiting my site! I hope that thru this blog, I can help someone :-)
Are You Trapped in an Unhappy Marriage Because You Believe That You Can’t Afford to Leave?”
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